Smart girl, wake up again please

Some years ago, I was such a girl - courageous, independent, and smart (oh well... at least not stupid like now :p). Hard-working enough to beat every boy in the CS class, and to squeeze into a group of German male co-workers. I strove my very best to make myself a counter example of prejudices like "girls can't code", "Chinese form their own social-group", 'Chinese students don't speak German", "students from the engineering faculty are bad at languages", and so on. She was "a cool girl" admired by many. When I look at myself again today, self-enslaving my mind for "a haunting ghost" (well... take this literally rather than a Cantonese pun :p), striking after the wind, losing my goals, dwelling in this "fallen-world" with an obsession in a culture of entertainments - I feel only empty and lost - rotten. Why should I ruin my own life by someone else? Pleeeease wake up, be smart and cool again.